Build Your Self-Esteem With NLP & Hypnotherapy CD's

A social phobia is a fear of interacting with others on a social level. Examples would be talking in front of other people, waiting in line at the checkout imagining others are looking at you, or even fear of talking on the phone. Self-confidence is a feeling, which allows individuals to have decisive, yet realistic views of themselves and their status. Self-confident people trust their own aptness, have a general sense of control over their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want to do. Self-esteem is a point of view that is learned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful at his/her endeavors. And that very expectation itself will cause a feeling of confidence. For example: A man wants to be an extreme fighter, so he gets a trainer and a manager. His manager will not arrange a bout for his boxer until he has developed enough skill and stamina. And even then, the manager will only put him up against a challenger that he knows his fighter can batter. When his fighter beats the opponent, he is successful, and starts to gain confidence in his abilities. With each combat, the manager puts his warrior up against a rival who is only a slightly better rival then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young contender begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to flourish. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter contestant is victorious, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to increase. As another example: A young lady who is in fear of being in high places wants to learn to dive into a swimming pool from a high diving board. So she finds a diving coach and he asks her to take a jump into the pool from the first step of the ladder that is going up to the diving board. The first step of the ladder isn't awful high, so the young lady feels no fear, and she jumps from that step, and lands in the water unharmed. Next, the athletic coach has her jump from the second rung of the ladder, and so forth. I assume that you get the picture here. With each incremental step up the ladder, since the girl was able to jump without harm, and the next higher step is only slightly higher then the last, the fear of harm factor is negligible, and the girl expects to be successful. When she jumps in and is unharmed, the girl's self-confidence increases, and her expectation of success on the next rung up the ladder increases. If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-esteem does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and expect failure, which often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Having self-confidence doesn't mean that individuals will be successful at everything. People, who have true self-confidence, usually have expectations that are sensible. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be confident and to accept themselves. People, who are not self-confident, tend to rely disproportionately on the approval of others in order to feel self-assured. They refrain from taking risks for fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that are offered to them. Conversely, self-assured people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally have faith in their own know-how. They acknowledge themselves; and they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted. Just because one feels confidence in one or more areas of their life, doesn't mean that they will feel optimistic in every part of their life. For example, a person might feel self-assured about their musical ability, but not feel confident as far as members of the opposite sex are involved, such as in a dating situation, or social relationships. How Is Self-Esteem Developed initially? Many effective realities influence the maturation of confidence. Parents' attitudes are decisive to the way children view themselves, especially in their early years. When parents provide acknowledgment, children receive a good foundation for seeing themselves in a positive light. If one or both parents are disproportionately demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may start to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. However, if parents encourage a child's moves toward self-reliance, and they are not overly critical when the child makes mistakes, the child will learn to accept herself, and will be on the way to developing self-confidence. Just because a person does not have confidence, it does not mean that he/she doesn't have abilities. A lack of confidence is often the result of focusing much too strongly on the unrealistic expectations of other people principally friends and parents. The affect of friends can be more effective and powerful than that of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self. Beliefs That Continue to Influence Confidence In response to external influences, people develop beliefs. Some of these are constructive and some are harmful. Several assumptions that can interfere with confidence and positive ways of thinking are: ASSUMPTION: It's important that I'm successful at every challenge I undertake. This is a totally unrealistic assumption. In the real world each person has his strengths and his weaknesses. While it is important to always do your best, it's more important to learn to accept yourself as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don't know everything and you don't need to be an expert at everything. ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are deficient. It is better to develop personal standards and values that are not dependent on the approval of others. ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present. ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences when you were a child as you grow into adulthood consciousness and a new point of view on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless based on what happened to you in the past HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE Emphasize Your Strengths. Give yourself credit for everything you can do. And grant yourself acknowledgment for every new thing you are willing to undertake. Take risks. Adopt the point of view of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what does not work and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can test some other action. Use Self-Talk: Use self-talk as a method to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it's impossible to do everything perfectly, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself as you are improving yourself. Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently have low levels of self-confidence in. But see yourself behaving in the way that a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective NLP and hypnosis processes that can build a titanic amount of confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that need more confidence! Self-Evaluate: Learn to factor yourself independently. Bypass the frequent sense of chaos that comes from relying on what other people think.